Why hitting children doesn’t help
Simple parenting tools can guide children without the need for physical punishment
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Some parents use physical punishment – hitting, spanking, or other forms of corporal punishment – to try to teach their children right from wrong. But what is its impact?
Over the past eight years, I’ve studied this question across multiple countries and cultures, and with children of different ages. I’ve analyzed large datasets, spoken directly with parents, listened to children’s own perspectives, examined how physical punishment affects children’s brains, and immersed myself in the scientific literature.
Based on all this evidence, the clear answer is that physical punishment often has the opposite of the intended effect: it can make things worse.
The good news is that there are practical, evidence-based strategies to manage children’s behaviors in ways that are healthier for children and easier for caregivers, too.
Physical punishment harms children’s brains, behavior, learning, and health
Years ago, we hadn’t yet discovered that smoking causes serious respiratory and cardiovascular diseases. In fact, some doctors even recommended smoking to treat certain conditions. Science changed that. By conducting rigorous studies that compared large numbers of smokers with otherwise similar non-smokers, researchers produced clear and compelling evidence that smoking is harmful to health. Something similar has happened with physical punishment.
Parents naturally want the best for their children. Those who use physical punishment are often motivated to do so by longstanding beliefs, passed down through the generations, that hitting or spanking improves children’s behavior. Over the past 50 years, however, scientific research has clearly and consistently shown this belief to be incorrect.
We recently conducted a systematic review of all relevant research published over the last 20 years on the consequences of physical punishment for children’s behavior. We included 189 studies from 92 countries, representing hundreds of thousands of children and adolescents. Across studies, cultures, and research methods, the evidence was remarkably consistent: physical punishment, including what is often described as “mild” spanking, is associated with worse, not better, outcomes.
Children who experience physical punishment show higher levels of aggression, challenging behavior, and tantrums in early childhood. They are also at greater risk of substance use during adolescence. While spanking may stop a behavior in the moment, largely because children fear pain, no study has found evidence that it improves behavior in the long term. In short, physical punishment is not only ineffective; it is often counterproductive.
“Children who experience physical punishment show higher levels of aggression, challenging behavior, and tantrums in early childhood.”
The risks do not stop with behavior. Our review, together with major reviews published in 2002, 2016, and 2021, shows that children who are hit or spanked are more likely to have poorer relationships with their parents, worse learning and academic outcomes, sleep problems, depression, anxiety, and other mental health difficulties in adolescence and adulthood. They are also at higher risk of using violence in their own intimate and parenting relationships later in life.
Why is physical punishment so harmful? By definition, it relies on pain, fear, or stress to put a stop to unwanted behavior. Even when considered “mild,” this kind of punishment can disrupt brain development and key biological and psychological processes during childhood, a period when the brain is especially sensitive to environmental inputs. In our own research, children who were spanked early in life showed atypical brain functioning by age 11, particularly in regions involved in emotion regulation and control of aggression.
“This kind of punishment can disrupt brain development and key biological and psychological processes during childhood.”
Returning to the smoking analogy, many people know someone who has smoked for years and appears to be healthy – but that does not mean smoking is safe. Similarly, not every child who is hit will develop problems, but physical punishment clearly increases the risk of negative outcomes.
Effective, evidence-based alternatives exist. These approaches improve children’s behavior and support healthy development.
What actually works to guide children’s behavior?
The most effective way to guide children’s behavior while helping them develop into healthy and confident adults and reach their full potential is not through punishment, but through four key ingredients we call CARE for short: Connection, A structured environment, Regulation, and Education.
- Connection: Positive behavior grows from a warm, responsive relationship between child and caregiver. Parents can spend quality time with their child, perhaps setting aside a few minutes each day to follow their child’s lead and interests. They can listen attentively and validate children’s emotions, for example by saying “I see you’re upset.” These actions help children feel safe and understood. When children feel connected, they are more willing to cooperate, better able to manage their emotions, and more open to learning.
- A structured environment: Children thrive when they know what to expect. Clear, age-appropriate rules and predictable routines around meals, bedtime, and transitions provide a sense of security and reduce conflict. Setting limits calmly and consistently, rather than issuing threats or reacting harshly, helps children learn boundaries and self-control.
- Regulation: Young children are still learning how to manage strong emotions. Caregivers play a key role by co-regulating during episodes like tantrums, modeling calm behavior, and helping children name their feelings. They might say, for example, “You’re frustrated because playtime is over.” Such experiences gradually help build children’s ability to self-regulate.
Parenting, too, comes with strong emotions. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or exhausted. Before responding, parents can pause and take a deep breath. Children behave in challenging ways not to provoke adults, but because they are still learning how to manage their emotions and behavior. They need calm guidance as they learn this skill.
- Education: Parents can teach children by guiding their behavior instead of punishing their mistakes. They can use logical and restorative consequences, such as asking children to clean up a mess they have made. They can redirect children’s attention and reinforce positive actions with attention and praise.
“Physical punishment does not improve behavior and can cause lasting harm.”
Physical punishment does not improve behavior and can cause lasting harm. What works is building strong connections, providing structure, supporting emotional regulation, and teaching skills with patience and consistency. These approaches guide children’s behavior and help them grow into healthier, happier, and more resilient adults.
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