How to help young people trust others
Consistent, warm, and responsive relationships with adults help develop trust
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In Disney’s telling of J. M. Barrie’s Peter Pan, flying is easy, requiring faith, trust, “and just a little bit of pixie dust.” In real life, young people have no magic dust when they walk into a new classroom, change schools, or meet new people. Trust helps them take these social leaps. It shapes the small but important decisions they make every day when they ask themselves: Who can I turn to when things get difficult? Can I trust this teacher? Will this person understand, or judge me?
We learn to trust not only people we know well, but also those we barely know. We also tend to trust institutions such as schools, the police, or the justice system; some people even trust politicians. Most of us develop generalized interpersonal trust, believing that most people, most of the time, are fair, honest, and well meaning. Such trust is a lens through which we perceive and make sense of the social world. Young people who are more trusting tend to approach others more openly, build relationships more easily, and take advantage of the support offered to them, while those who are less trusting are more guarded, expect to be treated unfairly, and are likely to withdraw and rely mainly on themselves.
How trust changes in adolescence
Across adolescence, trust does not develop in a linear manner. The level of generalized trust is often quite high in early adolescence, dropping in the mid-teen years and then rising again in young adulthood. Many young people pass through a period of heightened distrust in adolescence, a crucial time when they are recalibrating how much, and whom, to trust.
As children grow, their social worlds expand and become more complex. Early on, family and a few close friends matter most. Later on, school, wider peer groups, social media, and work or training take on greater importance. Over time, young people also become more aware of inequalities, social boundaries, and the fact that someone can be supportive one moment and unfair another. Accordingly, a drop in trust during adolescence is not always negative, but can reflect a realistic sense that not everyone is always safe or trustworthy.
But not everyone follows the same path. Some people become more open and trusting with age, without becoming naive. Others grow increasingly rigid and mistrustful. Much of this difference is linked to the environments in which we grow up and the kinds of experiences we have.
“Many young people pass through a period of heightened distrust in adolescence, a crucial time when they are recalibrating how much, and whom, to trust.”
Families are the first templates for trust
Children first learn what to expect from other people from their families. Warm, responsive, and reliable caregiving lays a foundation for basic trust. When parents are emotionally available, keep promises, and repair conflicts, children learn that it can be safe to depend on others.
The reverse is also true. When caregiving is unpredictable, emotionally unsafe, or neglectful, it can be much harder for children to develop trust. Over time, children who grow up with adversity become more likely to see others as dangerous and to interpret neutral or ambiguous situations as threatening.
Bullying can erode children’s trust
As young people grow older, peers take on a central role in their lives. Experiences with classmates, friends, and romantic partners can either reinforce or undermine what was learned at home. Bullying is especially damaging: being mocked, excluded, or harassed, or having one’s belongings damaged, causes more than just momentary pain. It can leave young people feeling that no one can be trusted, potentially leading to later emotional and behavioral issues.
Adolescents growing up in more adverse environments often become more cautious and guarded in their social interactions. This can create a vicious circle: low levels of trust lead to defensive behavior, causing others to respond with less warmth and openness, and this in turn reinforces the belief that it is dangerous to trust others.
“For many young people who experience threat, deprivation, or unpredictability, perhaps because the adults in their lives were absent, inconsistent, frightening, or abusive, mistrust is a reasonable response.”
When children don’t learn to trust
For many young people who experience threat, deprivation, or unpredictability, perhaps because the adults in their lives were absent, inconsistent, frightening, or abusive, mistrust is a reasonable response. In such situations vigilance, anger, or withdrawal are protective and make it less likely that the young person will be hurt again.
Unfortunately, however, young people often continue to use these strategies even when circumstances improve. They may perceive a teacher who sets clear, fair limits to be controlling or dangerous. They may regard as manipulative a youth worker who keeps trying to build a relationship with them, despite rejection. Their efforts to protect themselves can provoke exactly the kinds of frustration, distance, or sanctions that confirm their fears.
A trauma-informed perspective on caregiving asks, What has happened to this child? instead of What is wrong with this child? It doesn’t excuse a young person’s harmful behavior, but recognizes that responses are learned strategies that once made sense. Our task is to help young people discover alternative strategies that are better suited to safer environments.
“A trauma-informed perspective on caregiving asks, What has happened to this child? instead of What is wrong with this child?“
How caregivers and teachers can help rebuild trust
We cannot rewrite a young person’s history, but we can walk alongside them as they move into the future. The way we respond to young people in everyday moments can determine whether trust gradually begins to grow again. Three principles are particularly helpful to keep in mind:
1. Make safety and predictability explicit
Young people with low levels of trust often expect to encounter hidden agendas and sudden changes. Clear, consistent routines and transparent communication help counteract their lack of trust. Keep promises wherever possible. Explain changes in advance. Apply rules in a fair way that avoids humiliation. Present limits as protection for everyone, not as punishment or a way to exert power.
2. Let the relationship be the intervention
Many young people whose trust has been broken watch adults closely to see whether the adults will give up on them. What matters most is calm, low‑pressure, respectful contact with the young person over time. A teacher who greets a withdrawn student each morning without demanding a response sends a signal that the young person matters, even if they don’t perform. A caregiver who names small efforts, observing that “you came on time,” for example, helps young people recognize themselves as reliable and capable of change.
3. Encourage calibrated rather than blind trust
The aim is not to persuade young people that everyone is good. Some relationships and settings are in fact unsafe, and critical judgment is necessary. Instead, we can acknowledge that caution made sense in the past, then explore where it may be possible to start trusting again. Over time, a more nuanced picture can replace the belief that no one can be trusted.
In Peter Pan, faith, trust, and pixie dust make flying look easy. In real life, trust develops slowly. Many small, reliable experiences help young people feel safe enough to explore, connect, and eventually learn to fly on their own.
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