How to help children recognize the humanity in others
Talking to children from an early age about justice and equity – as well as racism and prejudice – shows them that differences are a good thing
Dehumanizing others – seeing them as less human – underlies some of humanity’s worst acts. It comes in many forms, such as ascribing animalistic characteristics to others, or believing others don’t experience the same complex emotions as we do.
One of the most unsettling aspects of dehumanization is that it makes people indifferent to others’ suffering. “Dehumanization makes possible the everyday violence and large-scale atrocities that observers enable through their indifference,” psychology researchers write. “It allows us to refuse to help and to sacrifice others for the greater good because we are apathetic to their suffering. It undermines reconciliation following conflict because there is no point to rebuilding relationships with those we think of as animals.”
“It is crucial that children grow up understanding that other people are just as human and deserving as they are.”
The in-group preferences and implicit biases that can pave the way for dehumanization start in infancy.
In one study, nine-month-olds were more likely to associate happy music with faces from their own race, and sad music with faces from other races. In another study, white children as young as three in the US were more likely to say that Black and Asian faces looked angry, compared to white faces. By age four, white children are more likely to choose white children than Black or Asian children as friends.
“Showing preference for your own group, over another group, comes online around five or six,” says developmental psychologist Niamh McLoughlin, the policy and research manager for education initiatives at MIT’s Blueprint Labs. McLoughlin has extensively researched the developmental origins of dehumanizing tendencies. Racial prejudice, including the belief among white children that Black children have fewer human traits like creativity, peaks when children are between five and seven years old. By age seven, children even believe that Black children experience less pain than white children.
Religion, gender, sexuality, and nationality can play a part in prejudice and dehumanization, too. In one study, for example, Scottish children as young as six believed that their national football team would experience more complex emotions after a game than the English team – an indication of dehumanization.
Given the enormous and tragic outcomes that dehumanization can lead to, it is crucial that children grow up understanding that other people are just as human and deserving as they are – no matter their race, religion, gender, sexuality, or nationality. Caregivers, educators, and other adults play an essential role.
Here are eight evidence-based tips from experts to help children recognize the humanity in others.
1. Understand that we all have biases (yes, even you)
One of the most common mistakes that well-meaning adults make is to assume that children won’t develop any kind of prejudice if we show no overt bias or racism ourselves, says Altheria Caldera, a senior lecturer in the School of Education at American University, who researches racial equity.
But that isn’t realistic, she says. After all, even infants recognize differences in skin color and start to develop in-group preferences. In many societies, including the US and the UK, a preference for whiteness “becomes part of the air we breathe,” she says. “And no one, regardless of your race – whether you’re white or not – is immune from picking up on this hierarchy or these beliefs. Even when parents think that they are doing a good job of shielding children from their biases, children can pick them up.”
This means that adults need to be proactive not only about spotting bias when it arises, but also about discussing it openly.
2. Forget “color-blindness”: address race, differences, and prejudice directly
The differences between people that children observe need to be addressed directly. If we don’t talk about them, children may grow up to think these differences are a taboo subject – which implies that we should feel ashamed of (or superior about) the ways in which we’re different.
“One of the ways that we perpetuate racism is by ignoring it, instead of addressing it head on,” Caldera says. “Racial awareness isn’t a bad thing – it is not a bad thing when children can recognize differences in skin color.”
Once, she says, her young step-granddaughter asked her, “Why do they call you ‘Black’ if your skin is really brown?’ We should not shut those kinds of questions down,” Caldera says. “That’s one of the ways that we signal to children that race is a bad thing. When we make it commonplace, when we make these conversations around racial differences a part of our everyday lives, children don’t get the impression that it is taboo.”
The key, she says, is to move towards developing “racial literacy” in children so they can navigate and facilitate conversations around race and racism.
3. Look for teachable moments
Not all children will ask questions about race, religion or gender on their own. If such questions don’t arise spontaneously, adults need to look for moments that can spark relevant conversations – a news event, for example, or noticing something in everyday life, like a child from a different race or background being treated differently on the playground.
4. Start young
These conversations need to be age-appropriate, but they can start early. One rule of thumb, says Caldera, is to start talking to a child about race and equity when you start talking about other values, like religion. “You’re sharing your values and your beliefs in terms of faith, so why not share them in terms of justice and equity as well?” she says.
5. Foster friendships with kids and families from other backgrounds
Talk is one thing; action is another. “One of the ways that I recommend that parents create or cultivate racial literacy with their child is to be cognizant of who you’re surrounding yourselves with, and being purposeful about creating a diverse friend group,” Caldera says.
But there’s a fine line between cultivating a diverse friend group and tokenizing. The difference between the two, according to Caldera, is authenticity. Ask yourself, she says, “Am I genuinely interested in getting to know these people? Or using them to my advantage?” It also needs to be mutual: Both sides need to benefit from the relationship. A white person, for example, shouldn’t constantly put the burden of explaining race on a Black friend.
Not everyone lives in a diverse community, but with social media, says Caldera, we’re not limited by geography. “The way technology is now, it removes that excuse,” she says. “We can be intentional about using social media to get to know people who look different.”
6. Select books, toys, and television shows that depict kids from a range of backgrounds
Peruse an aisle of children’s books in the library or dolls at a toy store, and you might notice something: Particularly in the US and Europe, the faces tend to be white. This sends a message that white is standard, even superior (along with characteristics associated with whiteness, like Christian and European backgrounds). Adults can counteract this message by offering children media and toys that feature a range of races and backgrounds.
Well-selected books and videos may reduce prejudice among children. One study from 2010 showed that after viewing a children’s television series that promoted mutual respect and understanding, Israeli-Jewish, Palestinian-Israeli, and Palestinian preschoolers described members of the other groups more positively.
“Well-selected books and videos may reduce prejudice among children.”
In another study, researchers read books featuring non-British refugee children to white British children. They also spoke with the children about specific characteristics of the refugee characters – for example, that they liked animals. Afterwards, children were more likely to describe the refugee children using positive language – and were no more likely to see their own group any more negatively – than children who were not read the stories.
Many moments of play, and watching television, are opportunities for children to be introduced to people with different kinds of features, wearing different clothes, and speaking different languages. McLoughlin points out that children’s toys and media commonly feature animals as characters; failing to show the experiences of different kinds of people is a missed opportunity. Caldera regularly updates a publicly available list of books featuring diverse characters.
7. Ask children questions about what characters are thinking or feeling
McLoughlin has found what may be an even better way to use books about characters from different backgrounds.
In one study, researchers told children stories featuring immigrants who had recently moved to the UK. Facilitators prompted a discussion with one group of children about the characters’ behaviors. With the other group, they emphasized what the characters were feeling and thinking. After the discussion, researchers gave each child stickers, then told them that a child belonging to the immigrant group they had just been talking about had lost their stickers. Would they like to share their own?
The children who had discussed the characters’ feelings and thoughts were more generous than those who had focused on behaviors, McLoughlin says; they offered the child more stickers. If they were told a child from their own in-group had lost stickers, there wasn’t the same effect.
That indicates, she says, that while exposing children to people from different backgrounds is important, we can go a step beyond by “individualizing these children, and avoiding more generic, group-based portrayals and statements.”
8. Remember the myriad benefits of celebrating our differences
When environments are created in which diversity and differences are seen as positives, children within those environments aren’t just more open-minded, but also more psychosocially adjusted.
In the Identity Project, for example, teachers led sessions with adolescents that delved into aspects of their and others’ racial and ethnic backgrounds, encouraging exploration and curiosity about those backgrounds. After eight sessions, the adolescents had a clearer sense of identity that incorporated both themselves as individuals and their ethnic background, and they also had higher self-esteem, better grades, and fewer depressive symptoms.
The findings suggest that “giving adolescents the tools, time and space to engage in ethnic-racial identity processes of exploration and resolution not only facilitates a more secure sense of self with respect to ethnicity-race, but it can also translate into happier, better adjusted, and more engaged students.”
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