How to help a sensitive child flourish
Clear boundaries and warm emotional support are important
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Many children experience stimuli like sights and sounds, as well as their emotions, much more deeply than others. This can lead to outbursts, a feeling of being overwhelmed, and a higher risk of mental health problems.
If this sounds familiar, your child might be what researchers call highly sensitive. Such children are more likely to become overstimulated. They may react negatively to a noisy classroom, notice immediately when a friend is in a bad mood, and become upset at a change in routine. And while that label might sound negative, high sensitivity can come with benefits. As long as adults and caregivers know what to look out for, highly sensitive children can thrive.
What does it mean to be highly sensitive?
According to a growing body of research, up to 30 percent of children fall into the highly sensitive category, which simply means they tend to process what’s happening around them more intensely than their peers.
“Sensitivity is one of the basic traits that humans and many other species have,” says Michael Pluess, professor of psychology at the University of Surrey. “It’s a very fundamental capability that allows us to function well in the environment that we’re in.”
While high sensitivity can cause stress, it also helps individuals to be more attuned to beauty and more responsive to educational interventions. They can find it easier to empathise with others. They also tend to pay more attention to details, which, unfortunately, can sometimes lead to perfectionism.
An emotional strength
Highly sensitive children seem to recognise emotions more accurately than those who are less sensitive. In a recent study, Pluess and his colleagues gave 97 children aged seven to nine the ‘reading the mind in the eyes test’, which asks children to identify emotions from photographs of people’s eyes alone.
The team found that children identified by their teachers as highly sensitive scored significantly better on the task than their peers. They were more accurate at reading subtle emotional expressions, which is a skill involved in empathy, socioemotional awareness, and navigating relationships.
“Highly sensitive children are much more aware of the emotions other people have. They perceive those emotions more easily than others and then process them more deeply.” says Pluess. Teacher ratings of children’s sensitivity in the classroom also suggested that sensitive children have superior social skills.
“Highly sensitive children seem to recognise emotions more accurately than those who are less sensitive.”
How to help highly sensitive children thrive
Sensitivity can come with a cost. Highly sensitive children tend to be more affected by overwhelming or noisy environments and by parents who are less emotionally available, which can lead to an increased risk of anxiety and depression.
On the other hand, Pluess points out that highly sensitive children thrive when their environments are supportive, warm, and well-structured. “In a positive environment they actually excel and often outperform less sensitive children.”
They may also respond better to extra support; highly sensitive individuals can respond well to mental health and anti-bullying interventions. That’s why it’s so important for adults to know if a child is highly sensitive, Pluess says, so they can support the child in adapting to the given environment, for example by finding a calm space.
Carers and parents can determine whether a child is highly sensitive by answering a short questionnaire developed by Pluess and his colleagues.
“Highly sensitive children thrive when their environments are supportive, warm, and well-structured.”
A nurturing environment
Parents and caregivers should try to provide a warm and structured environment at home, as this is particularly beneficial for highly sensitive children.
Parenting style matters too. Permissive parenting, leaving a child without structure or guidance, has a particularly negative effect on sensitive children. On the other hand, sensitive children respond well to parents who are emotionally available and supportive. Pluess therefore advises parents of highly sensitive children to provide clear boundaries and structure, but also warm emotional support.
Emotional outbursts can be common in highly sensitive children, and teaching children to regulate their emotions can help them cope with big feelings. This might mean responding with extra understanding and compassion to outbursts, which can help children calm down. “That is quite important in helping them develop self-regulation,” Pluess says.
Every highly sensitive child is different. Personality, early experiences, and the environment all shape behaviour. Some children are more attuned to negative experiences, while others are particularly responsive to the positive. Some may be more emotionally attuned, whereas others are more affected by stimuli like smells or sounds.
Often, Pluess says, adults focus on what seems difficult. But to help highly sensitive children thrive, we should recognise and value the positives too. By tuning into a child’s inner world, we can adapt and help them thrive.
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