Gaming as a family
Parents and children can benefit from playing video games together
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I am, and forever will be, a gaming ‘noob’ – a newbie who moves clumsily around the landscapes of a video game.
As part of a programme to teach parents how to support their kids and why gaming is so absorbing, I undertook to learn to game with my kids. The brief one-off course was by a UK e-sports academy which coaches young people to compete in national and international gaming contests. Gaming, the organisers said, could help teach children life lessons and allow them to discuss complex emotions in a comfortable space. My homework was to understand and practise the basics of Battle Royale in the game Fortnite.
Fortnite is an online multiplayer shooter video game recommended for ages 13 and above. Every day it has tens of millions of players. In Battle Royale, the most basic and popular game in Fortnite, 100 players drop on an island and ‘Hunger Games’-style, find weapons and building materials. Players deploy guile and tactical nous to eliminate each other and become the last person, duo, trio, or team standing. Violence is more cartoonish than gory. Each match in Battle Royale lasts 20 minutes or less.
I discovered that my children didn’t want to game with me. My youngest sons, then 16 and 19, sniggered at my tactical ineptitude. Walking around the house gazing wildly up and down and bumping into walls, they were imitating my avatar.
I briefly enjoyed a window on my boys’ lives, and admired the deft way they picked off adversaries, their nimble movements, and their youthful pace. But I lacked the reaction speed, spatial awareness, and sheer number of hours it takes to master an enthralling but complex world.
Gaming with children from a young age
Did I start too late? Undoubtedly – parenting websites advise engaging with young children as they game. “Watch and play together when you can”, advises Common Sense Media. “You won’t be able to stop what you’re doing every time your kid plays Minecraft but make an effort to understand – and even appreciate – what your kids are doing. Ask questions, get them to explain stuff and listen with an open mind.”
“Parenting websites advise engaging with young children as they game.”
This approach has worked for Jenny Fox, 43, mother to boys aged 12 and 9. She raced her eldest son around the track on Mario Kart as soon as he got a console – by age 5, he was beating her.
When he was diagnosed with autism at 9, she understood his fixation with games. “It became his whole world”, Fox says. Managing screentime is trickier as he approaches his teens, she says, but they still chat about tactics. “It’s a really good way for us to bond and for me to learn how to understand him… he’d say ‘mummy can I tell you about when…’ and the entire walk home from school is about what he’s done on a current game.”
Fox wasn’t a complete beginner – she played the odd game when she was younger. “I’ve dipped in and out over the years. To pick it up with the kids again is really nice.” They’ve moved on to the likes of Roblox and Minecraft, and she’s turned gaming sessions into family time. “It’s a nice way of doing it because we’re not all on the screen constantly and we’re talking amongst ourselves too.”
Her sons enjoy teaching Fox and her partner new moves. “My eldest particularly thrives from being in a position of knowledge – he loves the responsibility. They both want to help us do better… we let them make a joke out of our skill levels – they love it when they are almost teachers in these situations.”
Gaming changes as children grow
Fox knows that her sons will be more reluctant to share space and time when they enter their teenage years. “There’ll come a point when they won’t want to play with us. I know there will be a middle period when they might not want it to be known publicly that they game with me and (my partner).”
Of course, this is how it should be, says academic Jordan Shapiro, author of The New Childhood (Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World). “You have to enjoy those moments and see what you can learn from your children”, he says. “But in adolescence they need spaces away from their parents.” Last decade Shapiro wrote extensively about embracing technology and gaming with his young sons. Taking an interest in their games was a way of being a good parent, he says.
Shapiro advocates a progressive approach to gaming and digital life – not a simple restriction. “We need to understand this as part of their lived experience – and understand how we should parent it. There are the same challenges that we would have with any social interaction… our job is to make sure our kids are ready and able to make mature decisions.” He thinks parents should focus on teaching children to think about what it means to be present with another person or digital human.
Two of his sons have left home for college, and their gaming skills are too advanced for him to keep up. But gaming still offers parents of older children a connection. He sees it as an easy space for sitting down with your kid and asking them what they’re doing and what they like about it. He’s delighted his sons still engage with him over digital media. “It allows a connection that I don’t think I’d have otherwise.”
“Gaming still offers parents of older children a connection.”
In many ways, my brief sortie into my boys’ gaming life was a success, despite my abject performance. I learned that gaming doesn’t always fit into neat hourly slots – I can see why they lose track of time. I’m heartened that my 17-year-old only enjoys gaming if he’s playing with friends – this means he’s cooperating and interacting positively even if it’s not face to face. I can chat basic tactics and I’m an engaged spectator. Just don’t ask me to pick anyone off with a sniper.
What the research says about children’s gaming
- The impact of families gaming together on children’s development is not well studied and requires further investigation.
- In almost 1000 children aged 9-10, more time spent gaming was linked to gains in intelligence two years later.
- In nearly 500 children aged 5-7, those who watched videos and played video games with siblings developed more inhibitory control over a year than those who watched or played alone.
- According to interviews with 20 adults who had gamed with their parents and/or children, gaming in some instances was a communal activity, supporting family relationships through collaborative and ‘democratised’ interactions. In this small study, parents and children switched between leading and competing, and preferred playing in the same room and on the same console, and spectators were also engaged. Gaming facilitated conversations between parents and children during and after play. Gaming together could, the researchers say, create a sense of friendship, and in some cases remove physical and emotional barriers – such as parents and children living in separate homes or teenage disengagement.
- According to exploratory research led by design consultancy PlayScience, children prefer games which require full cooperation with others rather than merely simultaneous play. The research looked at gameplay among 20 families, including 39 children aged 6-15. During cooperative games, children communicated and laughed more together, and leaned towards one another and smiled. The most engaging game incorporated physical interaction and encouraged communication, face time and engagement among family members. Although many of the children frequently gamed with siblings, older siblings demonstrated a strong urge to dominate play while using the same device.
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